Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Happy Summer y'all!

Apparently the official season of Summer began yesterday.

I did not know this since my daughters school has been out for 5 weeks, count it, FIVE weeks. After the initial thrill of late nights and mid day movies, The Boredom Bug has definitely bite my little girl. I had forgotten how summer days can be so very long when Mommy wont chauffeur on demand and when play dates are not a daily occurrence even with as easy going of a little girl as my Linley.

But I believe I have underestimated my daughter.

Underestimated her ability to be so easily bored and...

...equally underestimated what lengths she was going to go to in order to find her own little version of fun when its laundry/errand/cleaning day.

So Happy Summer to all you mommies trying your best!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Dream Night at Zoo Atlanta 2011

About a month ago we (and by we, I mean Piper) recieved a postcard about a free evening at the Altanta Zoo for patients battling "life threatening" illnesses and their families.

Sign me up. First off, I was more than thrilled at their wording. And I know that "life threatening" illness may not sound so encouraging to you but to a mother who is not easily threatened, it placed cancer into a nice, neat and not so scary sounding box. The phrase "terminal illness", however, makes me want to run for the hills for the sheer finality it screams of.

So yesterday I grabbed up my daughters, my husband and my very pregnant sister and her husband and off we went.

I didnt blog about the Zoo visit in March during the great Poopalooza in which my 1 year old literally pooped through 6 diapers in the first thrirty minutes of being there. You can only imagine how fun that was for us all hauling around a fussy, weak, pantless, NG tube attired daughter...and trying desperately to make Fun! Exciting! Special! memories for the wonderful six year old sister and her cousin.

What a difference three months makes...

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Clinic Visit 6/09

Friday was Pipers monthly clinic visit and for the first time since her diagnosis in September of 2009, I was only in Atlanta ONE time in a months time. ONCE. I almost got lost on the way to the clinic, it had been so long.

It has not been uncommon to be in Atlanta 2 or 3 times per week, and it has been a given that we would be there at least once but this, well this I can really dig.

Of course, a day at the clinic seems a million days rolled into one. A 10:00am appointment means finally leaving with the rest of Atlanta at 4:30pm on a Friday afternoon but praise God for my mom (whom I roped into joining myself and Piper) and my best friend (who happily added Linley to her own girly group for the afternoon) who both rock my world and helped get me and the girls to the preplanned dinner date we had at 7:30.

Pipers counts look great, chemo went smoothly, IVIG was successful. Piper enjoyed the play kitchen, singing with the music therapist, eating pizza and doing a little coloring. I am always amazed at how very little this girl will sleep for me there at the clinic...she gets benedryl AND tylenol before beginning the IVIG infusion and STILL she only cat naps. Amazing.

I was reminded that we are beginning the countdown. Piper will finish her treatment in September of this year. I wont lie and say that the thought of finishing treatment is scarier than the thought of continuing. Relapse is always at the back of my mind and chemo always seems such a barrier...I fear for what her body will do on its own.

Like, seriously fear.

Unfortunately, since Pipers diagnosis I have struggled with insomnia. Both at home and away. Because I know this, I plan to keep myself especially busy the night before any clinic visit. Thursday night was no exception except Chad had to work so it was just me and the girls here overnight. I read, cleaned, watched mind numbing television and finally at 2:30 am I began to get droopy and wandered into the girls room for a final check. Just as I opened the door, Piper sits up in bed and smiles at me.

I melt. Like I always do.

And I brought her into my bed to cuddle for a minute but she just kept looking for her daddy so we called daddy at work and definitely surprised him. She was thrilled. Then she rolled over next to me, closed those sweet blue eyes and began to hum. I began to cry. It dawned on me as I was scratching her back and she was humming at me that I had not heard her hum herself to sleep since she was tiny. Remember that Piper dealt with temporary vocal paralysis when she was in the midst of the first few months of inpatient chemo? She did and it broke my heart because Piper came out of my womb humming herself to sleep and never picked it back up again when her voice regained its ability. So to hear her little self humming as her eyelids slowed their twitching and her hand rested under her chin just like my hand would itself once I fell asleep...well, I melted. And cried. And then did both all over again.

I am fearful of what this fall brings. Especially as I begin to see who my Piper is. I fear the possibility of what could be but when I experience moments like those, time seems to fall away and I am able, for a minute, to relish it without the stifling fear that seems to attack me at a moments notice. Thank God for those moments, indeed.

Friday, June 10, 2011

"Hey, its okay"

- to not be able to stop laughing at the part in the last post about my six year old wanting to "drink the juice" at church...we totally only do that on the full moon when all the snakes are more easily manipulated. (must I say I am kidding here?)

-to take 5 days to clean my super small bathroom. One day for the sink, one day for the toilet, one day for the shower...take a break day 'cause that part is a doozy and finish up with the floors.

-to like the show Mob Wives mainly for the music but also for the one wife who is not a shrew nor a shrinking violet.

-to allow your almost 2 year old to climb on the counters because it seems an awful lot like physical therapy to this mommy.

-to think the word "naughty" just plain sounds naughty. Like, keep it in the bedroom, naughty.

-to still be awaiting the day I can apply lipstick better than my daugher. Either of those daughters.

-to not understand why some people wear shirts that have wording on them unless they want you to read it. And I cant see very clearly so if I am squinting at your chest while you are walking towards me, my bad.

-to have daughters that dress significantly better than myself.

-to want to live in an era or a country that encourages ladies to wear those awesome hats that we saw at the Royal Wedding.

-to not taste the food I cook as I cook give me the heebie jeebies which probably now means that I will never have a dinner guest again because everyone now probably thinks my cooking stinks.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


My Linley wants to be "bathatized", that is.

We often talk about Jesus in this house, because well, He is the cornerstone of all we attempt to be. And we are honest with her about how He loves us all but many dont love Him back. And we have begun explaining to her in the last few months what must be done to take communion or get baptized or call herself a Christian.

Tonight she brought it up. Like most nights I chatted about it a little and prepared to leave the room with a kiss, never wanting to coerce her into such a decision. My sweet Linley had other plans. This is what she said...

"mommy, I want to be "bathatized". But not just because I want to drink the juice with you on Sunday but because I talk to Jesus alot at night and because I trust Him now and because I want a best friend for forever"

Ahhh. So we prayed together. And went to tell Daddy. And prayed some more. And in her childish little six year old voice she asked Jesus to come into her heart and be her best friend. I followed her beautiful plea with a more emotional one of my own and we held hands and she then teared up "because she was so proud of herself". Again, it was lovely.

So for you, my firstborn, my little me, my sweet and observant light of my eye, I pray that you never walk away from the decision you made tonight. I know you are simply six today but I also know just how easy the faith of a child can mature into a faith that stands the test of time. I pray that for you...and when you feel like God is so very far away or like the world is so very appealing then I will praise God for that amazing blanket of Grace that He lays at the feet of anyone who beleives in Him. I pray that you will cover yourself with it when, not if, you feel at odds with how things will sometimes be in your life.

God is so good to us, sweet Linley. He will never leave you or forsake you and He will always, always, always love you with an unending Love. Cling to Him.