Proof we are still kicking around.
And doing some cooking today.
And truly, not often doing the two at the same time at 1:00 in the afternoon though I needed it later on for sure.
Because I calmly responded to Linleys epic meltdown tonight outside the movie theatre with an early bedtime and no tv for a week and the amazing ability to turn a deaf ear to her yelling.
I also drank two lovely glasses of wine quite quickly when returning home.
I still struggle with boundaries for Linley. I never did before Piper and her life, but now I find there is an incredibly fine line between "picking my battles" and addressing heart issues with a consistent hand. There has to be a special patience to mothering that allows you to put aside your own frustrations or expectations (of every flipping thing) and address issues that are gray. Sometimes I just show grace and can see in Linleys eyes that she is hurt and confused and angry and needs me to hold her tightly. Other times I see that she has her mommies temper and that needs to be corralled and refocused...
But this is never, ever easy.
Sometimes it is funny though. Like tonight while she screamed and thrashed about in the backseat of my Camry and I just stuffed Pringles steadily in my mouth to keep from laughing. Really, if you can't laugh while parenting...what can you do.
The girl is amazingly loved.
This much is true and as I reminded her in the quiet moments after the storm of her mood, I love her dearly. Nothing will change that for her...just like nothing will change that for me and the God whose love enables me to mother with grace, joy, wine, laughter, Pringles and the sweet ability to walk in and kiss her cheek long after this epic fit has passed and she rests silently.
I have a friend who lost a child and as things shook out with her older children, she said she vacillated between being so grateful they weren't dead, and the behavior of the others, and her own tired ranting
ReplyDeleteabout their rowdy behavior that she mostly felt tired.
I am thinking that this is a good conversation to have out into the open.
We survived. We miss her. How do we not take this out on each other? love, Val
I'm thankful for you Susannah and your words of wisdom. This post reminded me of this song - well also, I heard it today....
ReplyDeleteGrace and peace! Anne Henderson
O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.