Last Thursday, I was running errands with Linley. We were on a hunt for some Halloween accessories and found ourselves in Micheals craft store. I quickly gathered all I would need and we began walking to the check out.
Then there was the clearance aisle.
Which I am physically unable to pass by so we wandered around and I reminded myself that I had no clue how to decorate cakes despite cool tools being 85% off or that I probably would not be scrapbooking, like, ever. Then Linley saw this huge faux green diamond. If there is anything my 7 year old digs, it's bling. She gets that from my sister...definitely not this lady. And it was "a fabulous deal" at .79 so I kissed her sweet little head and splurged like only a tired mommy can.
After she was settled into her booster she was just in awe of the awesomeness of this gift. Over and over she talked about how smooth it was, how shiny things looked when she looked through it and finally she said "mommy, when I look through this beautiful diamond it makes my yellow jacket sting hurt less".
Those little words struck me so.
I know pain now. It is both emotional and physical. It can keep me so bottled up that I will surely burst from the massiveness of it all. Linleys yellow jacket sting is painful and even so, just by looking at something of beauty she is distracted enough to have that pain lessen a bit.
My Linley is my very own green faux diamond. She is the thing I can be so distracted by that I can momentarily forget the depth of pain. Never for long...but just enough to be reminded that beauty and good and happiness continues. And now this little bean that rolls in my womb will be a second jewel to lay my weary eyes on. I'd give anything to have my three jewels holding hands but this is the life we have been dealt and I chose daily to look at this sweet seven year old jewel to encourage me when the sting of death becomes overwhelming.