Monday, February 20, 2012

Teeth, fevers and this place called St. Jude

It is currently 1:47am and I am only just now slowing myself down enough to settle into this lovely bed of mine. Next to me is the lovely Linley who lost her first tooth today and found herself over the moon with pride... As was I, only I semi cried because between holes in her smiles and bangs on her forehead my sweet seven year old looks like quite the young lady. Babyhood and toddlerhood have left her and I miss the moments where I was needed so very much and loved so loudly but I see little glimpses of what she will be like as a woman and I rejoice with hope for her.

She makes my heart happy and my soul smile.

As for her younger sister, she is snoozing away with her daddy at Egleston after spiking a fever this morning and requiring a (hopefully) short stay. Should she stay fever free she will be able to be discharged and we can begin to roll this family of four northward... Towards St. Jude and what we pray will be the cure we have sought most of her young life. Despite having a fever, Piper remains happy. Perhaps not normal but we have a very odd normal in this family and because so much of her time is on chemo and/or recovering, we tend to take more notice of a joyous Piper than we do of a quiet Piper. She has begun taking short steps alone once again and while her little legs are most definitely weak she swells with pride as we cheer her steps from the couch to the wall.

She also makes my heart happy and my soul smile.

This family is still Memphis, TN bound this week and praying this delay turns into nothing. When Pipers fever spiked this morning, my husband looked into my eyes and saw that I had nothing in me to trek to Atlanta when I was ( and am) so very weary. He offered to take Piper and this allowed me, with the help of Hannah and Miriam plus a slew of cheerful visitors, to unload the Camry and do the majority of the reloading and cleaning necessary to move out of town. I currently have very low standards as to the appearance of my home but at the risk of becoming a spazzy (or spazzier) mother with a twitch and wildly gray hair I must focus on the details and not the dried up shredded cheese in the corner of the living room or whatever experiment Linley is developing in the bathroom all kind of makes me smile because what else are we attempting this thing called a cure for if not the chance to raise these children and the beautiful messes they bring?

And as I attempt to ignore the chaos that is my home for the excitement of this new chapter, I am reminded of how amazingly loved this family of mine is. By our church as well as other church's locally, by our family both near and far, by Linleys school and her support system there and by both friends and strangers who have showered us with love and prayers and gifts and money and at the very core of it all, with the tangible love of Christ.

We feel the support and we praise God for each and every one of you who chose to walk with us. As you have each been so very faithful to hold us up I thought of one of my favorite quotes I roll out when I feel overwhelmed and/or out of control and need God that much more because of it.

"I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.” (c.s.lewis)


  1. Beautiful Messes. I love those two words put together. For so long I have tried to control & sometimes even lose sight of the bigger picture but Susanna, you help to pull me back to reality... i love you

  2. One of my fave sayings is "Cleaning up after your children is like shoveling the walk before its finished snowing." makes perfect sense to me! Prayers and well wishes being beamed y'all's way!! Xoxo