Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Sometimes death feels like an eternity away. So often we chose to not mentally go there for fear or for lack of understanding...often for me I don't go there because I know too well that it may very well come looking for my family all too soon.

In the last week I have lost two people. Two guys who were special to me for different ways and yet both of whom will stand for something so very good in my memory.

Last Thursday afternoon, my Uncle Dean passed away during an afternoon nap. Uncle Dean loved the Lord more than the wife, children, grandchildren and friends he left behind and that seems to be the saving grace for their loss. He called me "no-shoes-anna" when I was a little girl because my feet were to tiny for shoes. He was my fathers best man in my parents wedding. It was he and his wife who gave me my own best friend and maid of honor for my own wedding years later and I am forever indebted to him for that.

He was the epitome of a faithful man of God.

His family will continue to mirror Uncle Deans faithfulness, I am certain.

Today at 4:33pm a fellow infant leukemia fighter passed away. Tyler Burdick and his mom and family were so very strong, so very optimistic and so very selfless throughout the course of their 2+ years of fighting this terror. I was lucky to "meet" Stephanie on the online infant leukemia support group and we shared similar stories and experiences...she was always the first to encourage another and the last to complain.

She was the epitome of a strong cancer mother.

This loss will not change that about her, I am certain.

These two deaths have hit me hard. The fact that I, despite my faith, find myself questioning God and his goodness is merely the ripple effect of pain and loss. I cannot imagine losing my father as he is the man I most look up to and I cannot imagine losing my daughters whom I carried and bore and hold. But someday my children and my father will pass on. I cannot control this, as Pipers illness has taught me, and if the tears that hurt me today are any indication then I will not handle this as well as I haughtily thought back in the days when death was far away and life seemed so simple.

I have been listening to this song on repeat all week. Its so good.

And despite my sadness it is true.

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