Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Piper has relapsed. Her leukemia has returned. Tomorrow at 2:00pm she will be sedated and have a lumbar aspirate to gather more information. They will also begin her on her first dose of chemo, once again.

I cannot tell you how devestated we are. How broken my heart feels and how heavy my spirit probably would never understand. This was totally unexpected, Piper has been nothing but the picture of health and happiness. Our family was beginning to get a grasp on "normal" living and now this...

Basically we have 2 choices. We either fight this, given little chance that she will be cured or we stop fighting, knowing that this will take her little life. In chosing to continue the battle Piper will receive about a months worth of new chemo intended to get her body back into remission. If that works, they will follow with a second round of heavy duty chemo. And if she is still in remission at that point we will be taken to Egleston where Piper will have a Bone Marrow Transplant, hopfully with one of us as her donor. At that point if all the steps we have taken have kept her in remission and the BMT is considered a success she will have a 20% survival rate.

Obviously this decision is not a difficult one as Chad and I feel strongly that not fighting is giving up and that is not our style. Beginning tomorrow we start all over. Piper will lose the beautiful hair she has, Linley will work her way through 1st grade without her family at her side and Chad has to reevaluate all his current plans for school and work. Again, we are totally devastated.

I cannot see the future. I have no idea what is to come, not only for Piper but for all of us. If you want to know the truth I am scared witless and I am spending the day sobbing uncontrolably. I wanted, no needed, our little family to begin to mend and to be able to look at this phase of life as a season instead of our normal. Facing a relapse is even more frightening that the initial diagnosis. I now know what this does to our family, finances and is ugly.

While I have no idea what happens in the future, I still stand firm on the knowledge that God is sovereign and that He has a plan. I fear the prayers I am sending up are not filled with faith but rather with pleading but I rejoice that He knows my heart, my girls and my life. At this moment, sobbing at the computer with strangers around I feel much like a tree that has been beaten by the weather. I may look to be bent over, I may be weathered to a indescript gray but I am still rooted in the soil that give me sustanence.

Of this I am certain, God is still good.


  1. I love you susanna....i dont know what else to say but that! I wish i can take a portion of this and bear it for you...with all my heart

  2. Crying with you Susanna....I am so so sorry!!!This is not supposed to happen!!! I love you, and I am praying!!!

  3. I heard the news today and am just shocked and devastated for you all! Our conversation outside the night of that research thing is a conversation I will never forget. We had come so far and Piper was on her way to recovery. Yes, this is a setback and hopefully one that will be resolved the way we all want for your sweet family! All we can do is pray and hold onto that "hope" we as cancer moms want to have. I just love all your posts and feel all your emotions as if we were where you are right now during this battle. You are so on and right with what you say! Those of us living this nightmare fully understand your fears and anxiety that you are feeling. I hope to see you again so I can give you a big hug and let you know how much we have grown to love and know your family even though our paths have not crossed again. All you can do is FIGHT like hell to save your little girl. I pray for your other daughter as well as this effects everyone in a family. It is just so unfair!!!!!!! Hang tight mommy......shed those tears and hold onto your faith! We love you and are in this with you. You are not alone!!!!!!!
    Hugs ~
    Diona Guy

  4. My heart and prayers are with your family and your precious baby girl. Love you, sister.

  5. No words, just prayers to the One who understands and knows exactly what you need. ((((hugs)))) for you my fellow warrior!

  6. Praying and praying and praying...

  7. So very sorry. I'm Nakia's cousin. We've met a couple times but I feel very close to you, spiritually speaking, when I pray. I feel God's spirit so quickly when I mention your name. My heart aches for you. My family is praying and we're getting everyone we know to pray as well. I wish I could give you comfort, I simply don't know how...

  8. My heart breaks for you. I am so sad reading this and thinking of how you must be feeling. I can't imagine going through this one time let alone twice. Your faith is an encouragement to me all that are around you. Love you and praying!

  9. I am so heartbroken for you and your family. At least once a day you've popped into my mind in the last few months, and every time I've send a little prayer up for sweet Piper. I'm still praying...I'm not going to stop!

  10. Susanna, you don't know me. I'm a friend of Anne Nunn. I've been following your blog for a while. I'm so sad to hear this news, and I don't have the perfect comforting words, but I will tell you that I have been praying for you and your sweet family almost non stop. One thing I know is that God hasn't forgotten you, and if it ever feels like He has, just know that I am reminding Him of you and Piper and Chad and Linley every day.
    Praying for you today,