Friday, August 19, 2011

Target makes me puke.

Chad and I came home last night to attempt to explain this to Linley. Now that Linley is in 1st grade she "gets" this alot more...shes fearful not only of loosing her sister but of being left behind when Chad and I are with Piper. Thankfully Linley took the news as well as she could and is willing to be tested to see if her bone marrow is a match for Piper...please pray that it is.

While Chad was in class and in between calls to my mom to check up on her with Piper I ran to Target to grab things that I was needing for this hell of a hospital stay plus the basic things needed here at home. Usually Target is my happy place and today I decided to put aside my (snotty I am sure) oddities that I have with clothing with characters on them and look for some pjs for Piper with Elmo on them. My girl loves her some Elmo. So I looked and looked and only found a pair in a 3t...then I went over to the singing cards and looked for Elmo something over there but the only Elmo card I found was a "welcome to preschool" card.

I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. I made it out the front door and onto the sidewalk before throwing up what little I have eaten lately. I dont know if Piper will ever get to wear a 3t or go to preschool and the nausea and desperation I felt at that moment was simply to much to bear. I cant lose this child.

Now I have spent the day doing some crying, some cleaning and some sitting with a friend who came to help me fold mountains of laundry. In a few minutes I have to pick up my beloved Linley and finish packing and head back into the hospital. Pipers chemo has begun and she is missing her mommy. From this moment on, it will be Chad and I playing an intrecate game of Tag to enable that Linleys needs are met as well as Pipers.

We are moving from shocked mode to survival mode...though the emotions that we are feeling are well beyond what those two little words can ever portray.


  1. i wasn't sure if i had hear you right today about throwing up at target. i'm sorry i didn't respond, since i didn't know what to say. as always, we're here. love you, sweet friend.

  2. we are so praying for you guys tonight and every time we think of your entire family. You are an amazing mom and wife, God covers you with his love and presence and Piper is precious beyond words. We have loved you for so many years and completely trust our amazing God!

  3. You don't really know me but I ama friend of Lauras and I just want to say that I am so sorry for all you and your family are going through. The best thing to do is pray and stay as positive. I will be praying for you along with hundreds of others at mine and my brothers church. Again I am so sorry, know you are in my thought and prayers.

  4. Sus, My heart breaks for you!!!! I'm glad I got to put a face with the name briefly in the hallway last night! Now I know who I am praying for :) My kids are a bit older, but I just wanted to let you know that Karen, the child life specialist, has been extremely helpful with Danielle's siblings!!! She explains everything at their level--which is good for me too because I actually understand that level ;)

    Amy Samsury
    Danielle's mom

  5. oh susanna i cry for and with you. i love you dear wonderful woman. i want to give you the world and a healed Piper and the future of amazing things that you cannot even imagine right now, but all i can do is stare at this screen with tears streaming down my face and await the time that pain will be no more.