Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Still here. Still breathing...send wine.
Its taken me a minute to write because honestly I'm running out of words these days. There are only so many different ways to say "devastated"...and there are only so many emotions we are feeling at this time. For the most part the shock has worn off. We are still very much going "what the what???" but managing that pretty well in public.
I said before that the word relapse is much more difficult than the word "leukemia"...sadly, most of the families who face leukemia mentally prep ourselves for the possibility of relapse also. And while most of these families will be fine, those of us who are not walking away from the leukemia battle as quickly as desired will have to square our shoulders and muster on. Does it stink? Oh yes. But we've been here...we will do it again.
And that will be that.
Tomorrow Linley, Chad and I will all have blood work done to see if any of us are a match for Pipers bone marrow transplant. The results can take up to a month to get back so we want to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible. Please pray that one of us will be a fabulous donor and that the testing will be simple and as pain free as possible for Linley. (and Chad)
Piper has had 18 doses of chemo since last Thursday. Apparently she has no clue...her day is made up of going for walks with her "push" (baby doll stroller) with her blue latex gloves on and her little toy puppy attached to a leash she pulls with her. She loves to visit the fish and Mrs Zoe in the library. A trip on the elevator may take forever to get on and off of, but she will giggle with glee. Having done cancer with an infant, I must say its easier with a two year old...did I really say something is easier with a two year old? Psh.
Wed and Thursday nights are my nights at home. I plan to get a haircut. I plan to make Linley lunch with the daily love note inside. I plan to sit on my balcony and drink chai and read a little more of the book 1000 Gifts. I plan to walk barefoot. I plan to sleep on my right side. I plan to stay as busy as I can and not call Chad every hour to check on him and Piper.
I don't plan to dwell on the "whys" or "hows" or "what ifs" because frankly, that steals from my living with what I have now...two sweet girls, a husband and a God who gave this all to me. I'm learning quickly that a blessing isn't always a perfect gift or the answer to something you may think you want. Sometimes its just the knowledge that you're still here and still breathing despite having the wind knocked out of your sails.