I am laying on the floor much longer than before. I am calmer getting out the door. I am slower to read a night time story. I am happier to hear a cry in the night. I am definitley a mother of a child with a terminal illness...I dont know how many days I have with my sweet Piper. Or for that matter with any of the people I hold so very dear but I will tell you that I became a better mommy starting Sept 16th after Piper was diagnosed. I now understand what it means to "enjoy every minute" and I do.
I have a wonderful friend who lives 2 time zones away that I still stay in contact with even though I havent hugged her in 8ish years. Way before I was a mommy, she went through the deaths of her two twin sons at birth...I have often wondered how she has made it through and been awed at her patience and joy she has while raising the children that God has blessed her with since then. I now understand that she loves her children more deeply than most moms ever think to...she understands the true fraility of life and once you get that concept you learn to love with that intensity never before imagined.
That is why although I think this illness just plain sucks...its also taught me to appreciate my girls. Each one. Every moment and every day. I just dont have the time for foolish things like showers when Piper wants to smile at me. And a walk (or a "push me up the hill again please, mommy") with Linley trumps an afternoon nap every time. I am blessed with what I have and I will not have to look back when my girls are teens or mothers themselves and think "I wish..." because I know that when my head hits the pillow tonite that my girls know I love them and I am learning just how much loving I am capable of.