Pipers blast are now at 90%. She no longer is peeing much, signifying her kidneys shutting down. Her abdomen is huge...filled with her leukemia swollen liver and spleen. With the help of the oscillator she continues to breathe and fight.
We asked outright today what were her chances of survival and were told nearly zero...barring a miracle. Her organs cannot tolerate the chemotherapy necessary to combat this magnitude of leukemia. A transplant is not an option and Piper will not live much longer.
We met with a quality of life doctor today to speak about our wishes...more choices that we are forced to make. Emotions run high and tears are flowing. Disbelief courses through me...I truly hoped my Piper would be the one to defy the horrible odds stack against her.
Our nurse tonight lost her own daughter to cerebral palsy 11years go. To say she is compassionate would be a gross understatement...she has finagled Piper and the multitude of lines she needs in a way that enabled me to crawl up here with her in her bed. And that is where I have been for the past 2 hours...cuddling and kissing on my youngest daughter. Chad leans across my body to touch Piper and we silently cry so as not to frighten her. I will stay here as long as I am able. Whispering that I love her, adore her and am so very proud of her. Singing every song I can think of and a few I am making up. Stroking the smoothness of her head and the taut skin across her arms and legs...each limb is being cemented in my memory and each contour is beautiful despite it's wear. She is beautiful...I can still say this with conviction.
My Piper radiates beauty and hope and simple love. If I already miss her, while she lays warm against my arm and with her fingers clasping mine, how much more I will miss her when she goes and I cannot reach her at all.
Praising the Lord that where she is going, I will be as well someday. That Piper will feel no pain and will simply blink before she sees me walking towards her... Eternity will be sweet when I see my girl well and our family is together again.
What a beautiful someday.