Sunday, April 1, 2012

Update 3/31/12 (pt 2)

Pipers blast are now at 90%. She no longer is peeing much, signifying her kidneys shutting down. Her abdomen is huge...filled with her leukemia swollen liver and spleen. With the help of the oscillator she continues to breathe and fight.

We asked outright today what were her chances of survival and were told nearly zero...barring a miracle. Her organs cannot tolerate the chemotherapy necessary to combat this magnitude of leukemia. A transplant is not an option and Piper will not live much longer.

We met with a quality of life doctor today to speak about our wishes...more choices that we are forced to make. Emotions run high and tears are flowing. Disbelief courses through me...I truly hoped my Piper would be the one to defy the horrible odds stack against her.

Our nurse tonight lost her own daughter to cerebral palsy 11years go. To say she is compassionate would be a gross understatement...she has finagled Piper and the multitude of lines she needs in a way that enabled me to crawl up here with her in her bed. And that is where I have been for the past 2 hours...cuddling and kissing on my youngest daughter. Chad leans across my body to touch Piper and we silently cry so as not to frighten her. I will stay here as long as I am able. Whispering that I love her, adore her and am so very proud of her. Singing every song I can think of and a few I am making up. Stroking the smoothness of her head and the taut skin across her arms and legs...each limb is being cemented in my memory and each contour is beautiful despite it's wear. She is beautiful...I can still say this with conviction.

My Piper radiates beauty and hope and simple love. If I already miss her, while she lays warm against my arm and with her fingers clasping mine, how much more I will miss her when she goes and I cannot reach her at all.

Praising the Lord that where she is going, I will be as well someday. That Piper will feel no pain and will simply blink before she sees me walking towards her... Eternity will be sweet when I see my girl well and our family is together again.


What a beautiful someday.

51 comments:

  1. Rejoicing and weeping that Piper will soon be glorified and with the most Precious One of all! Her beloved Savior and beautiful Creator. I ache with you. I am completely broken. My face is sopping wet. My eyes full of water. My heart full of ache, and the most love I am capable of...all for you. For the mother of this beautiful, courageous, and sweetest little girl that has touched all of our lives. You did good mama. Linley was so brave today!!! If you all need anything, we are here. We are ready and willing. Anything. Love you guys <3

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    1. We have the body of christ in Memphis who want to love and pray with this family, does anyone have info on the family so we can get in contact with them to get permission to go to the hospital and pray with them.
      My name is Tina Thompson you can contact me at tinathompson@releasedministries.com

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  2. I came to this page via C.O.L.E.S. and no words can help, but I do know that Our God is so, very mighty, and awesome, and there's a place that makes earth look shoddy, and Piper is promised a perfect healing. Praying mightily for every precious moment you are having with her to still make memories.

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  3. Praising God for the hope He gives. A beautiful someday. praying now, with you and for you. Sweet Piper you are loved. praying for peace for your family. with love.

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  4. Praying for your family, your heart, and for miracles.

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  5. Tears flowing,I Pray for you all, knowing that that our God will keep his promise to be your wonderful comforter. Knowing that he *KNOWS* what it is to see his beloved child suffer and die. Rejoicing that Jesus victory means that death is not the end, and that the enemy's plan to rob Piper has been turned into her greatest gift - to be with Jesus forever more, and to be reunited with you some day.

    Lord, take your little one home peacefully and without further pain we pray, into your glorious, beautiful heaven where, for all eternity she can run and play and sing and laugh. Amen

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  6. Oh sweet beautiful baby girl .... Praying to our precious Savior - we do love you all so.

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  7. We are close friends with Nakia and Dustan. We have been praying for Piper and your family since the beginning of this journey. And believing with you and for Piper. And crying with you. My heart is so heavy right now. And I am praying that you feel the sweet presence of Jesus and His Holy Spirit filling your room and holding you both and Piper so tightly in His arms. I am so thankful that you are getting to hold your baby in your arms. A few days ago as I was praying for Piper, the Lord gave me a vision, Jesus was sitting on Piper's bed holding her in His lap with her head cradled in His arms. I loved so much that He was there holding her and stroking her head since you were u able to at the time. It was so beautiful. I know that He is holding all 3 of you right now.
    We are praying continually for you and weeping with you.
    Love you all, Michele and Rob Burton

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  8. It was so great meeting your family today. Linley is amazing. This blog has made me feel like a part of your family. My heart hurts so much for you and the decisions a parents should NEVER EVER have to make for their child. It warns my heart that you are able to hold her. I can't imagine what its been like to just sit and look. That nurse was an angel. Piper has fought the hard fight and it sound like she is still fighting. I hope you feel the love we have all sent up to you. Even though it's not fair, we all know that if Piper's body does have to stop fighting, she is going to a place of no pain and we will all see and meet her sweet face one day. (((hugs))). With Love, Amber Vickers (a total stranger that loves your family)

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  9. Oh how my heart aches for you! I can't even fathom going through this, but you have demonstrated the grace and mercy of our Father. Our prayers continue for an all out miracle, but her healing may be the total healing promised to us as she sits with Jesus and sings Him songs. WOW, what a sight! I adore a little girl I will never meet and am in awe of her family.

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  10. Dear Chad, Susie and Linley,

    May God hold and love you, may Gods eyes shine down on you.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences on this blog. I have been following you guys for the last few days. As a mother myself, you are dealing with my absolutely worse fear. I am so glad you have the Lord to lean on during these horrific/bittersweet times. I am and will continue to pray for peace and comfort and strength for little Piper and you and your family. Snuggling with that precious little one had to be the best gift! I hope you can snuggle with her throughout your available time! Praying for a miracle!!

    Love,
    Leanne Parks- Greensboro GA

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  11. No words. Just prayers. Oh so many prayers.

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  12. Praying, friends. God bless these moments with your precious Piper.

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  13. Many more tears here this morning as I read your update. Like everyone else, my heart hurts for you. I am thankful that Jesus is holding on to you all each moment right now and will continue to hold you in the days ahead. We will keep praying for you all. I am so thankful for the nurse that has helped you be able to cuddle and love your sweet girl. You are an incredible mom, and Chad is a great dad as well. Piper is loved well by all of you and so many more, including us. We love you, Heather

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  14. Dear Sweet Susanna and Chad ~ If indeed this is the time our loving Father is calling Piper home I do know He will do it with tender care. Psalm 116:5 is one of my favorite verses "Precious in the sight of our Lord is the death of one of His godly ones." When your heart is aching so that you cannot find words to express the agony and desparate cries you long to utter to our Lord, read the Psalms. There we can prasie HIm in honesty, also crying and wailing for anwsers and comfort. It is as though we are anxiously asking and peacefully knowing His presence at the same time. I read Ps 103 this morning ~ "Bless the Lord, O my soul:and all that is within me, bless His holy name.....The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy......Like as a Father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him,...... but the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children....." Do know that if you are even unable to pray and read the Psalms, there are myriads of us doing that in your behalf. We are all interceding for God's mercy ~ We have all come to love her and all of you so so very much. We are trusting for you in the only two truths that can give us comfort in times like this ~ Truths we do not and will not understand this side of heaven, but the only anchors that can and do hold us ~ God is good and God is in control.

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  15. There are no words. There are just so many tears and so many prayers. I cannot begin to imagine what you are living right now. After my Courtney was diagnosed in August, we got admitted for an infection and was in the hospital for 2 weeks. One of my memories of this time was seeing the cutest little baby girl pushing her grocery cart around the hospital. Courtney would just sit out in the lobby of the hospital and watch her and laugh. We later found out that little girl's name was Piper and that she had relapsed....When I think about Piper I will always see her pushing that cart and her little fly away hair. I had no idea at the time how much she would touch our hearts and how your words would get me through some really bad days.
    I know that right now it doesn't mean much but I hope that in the days and years to come, you will find some kind of peace in the knowledge that you and Piper and Linley and Chad touched so many lives by your faith and grace. I hope that you know how strong you are and how special you are. Because you are!!
    I pray for comfort for you today and in the days to come. I pray for a peace that can come from only our Heavenly Father. I pray that he gives you a glimpse of Piper, well again, singing and laughing...oh the laughter!!! I pray for strength because I don't how you are gonna put one foot in front of the other...but you will because He will pick you up and carry you until you are able to do it on your own.
    You all will forever be in my heart. I pray that you feel Sweet Jesus' arms around you today and all the days of your lives.
    And my heart cries and cries and cries!! I am just so sorry!!!

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  16. Tears are falling as I read this. The one light in this darkness is Jesus. Piper is going home and she is being healed in a way not one of us can fathom. Chad and Susanna you have been the most steadfast fighters for your little one and you have gone the distance. God bless you both as you spend time with Piper. I will continue to pray for you and ask Him to give you sweet peace during these hours and the days that follow. I love your "pinthes" and she has blessed me without ever getting to meet her. I smile when I see her in that gown and thank God I was able to find it. Sending love to all.

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  17. I'm so beyond sadness for you all. Sweet Piper (and all of you!!) have fought such a long hard time. I pray all of you van find comfort and peace and joy in each other and the memories you have of your sweet girl. You all have touched so many people by sharing your story. I pray your sweet sweet angel will enjoy running around, free of disease, amongst all the other angels.

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  18. I can do nothing but stare at my computer in disbelief my computer hasnt been working in abit and the first thing I did was to come check on my friend and Piper and this is the blog I wasnt looking for. I have walked in these shoes and looked through your eyes and prayed prayers that I didnt think I would ever pray but I was able to for my Pyper as well i just wanted mercy and no pain how I ached to see those eyes and hear my name no matter how weak but at one point I knew that GOD wanted my sweet girl on his lap singing the most prettiest songs in Heaven with him and all those who have past before us friends and family. I dont know how we did it its still a blurr but you are so strong and so is your whole family. I will pray so hard for ALL of you and probably shed 1000 tears before the day is through but like you said no more pain and I know my Pyper will be waiting with a huge smile on her face and with welcome arms and what keeps me going is one day we will be reunited againe in perfect bodies with our strong, beautiful girls and no more tears. Love always Mandy

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  19. There are no words. I know this for certain. 8 months on our oncology floor tells me so. 3 Years later, we still watch in sheer and utter disbelief, families and children we have loved,continue to fight this heinous and insidious battle. Today, just prayers of peace and strength for the journey. May God's amazing grace cover and carry you through all of these moments and beyond.

    The other Needham Family in California.

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  20. Hi! I went to highschool with you at CCA and have followed your blog for a few months now. I want you and your family to know my prayers are with you.
    If Piper is lucky enough to leave this dark and lonely earth sooner than the rest of us, I so envy her. As she sits giggling and carefree in her Father's lap, we have to trudge forward in this dark world. While she traces His thorn scarred forehead with her fingers and rests her head in his nail scarred hands,we have to settle for a life physically separated from His presence. It's so cruel. But remember this: in the blink of an eye Piper will feel His gentle tap on her shoulder, letting her know her family is running twards her. As she slides down from His lap and runs into your arms, this world will be forgotten.
    On that day, perfection like you could never know on earth will be your reality. Until then, the prayers of hundreds will push you forward. Closer to Him, and closer to that split second in time when your entire family is together forever. No matter when or how God calls Piper(and the rest of us) home, the promise of eternal life is our shelter from the storms of this world. What a perfect shelter!! My prayers are going up everyday on your familys behalf.

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  21. Precious Piper & her family are in my prayer! May God bless you and give you comfort.

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  22. Still just praying and praying,and praying for Sweet Piper and her mommy, daddy and big sister!

    Jackie

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  23. No words can express hw truly heartbroken I am for you. I can barely type through my weeping, crying out to God on your behalf is all I know to do. I am so sorry, so very very sorry.

    Kim from NC

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  24. Susan, Chad and Linley, I´m crying as I read what you are going through at the moment. Susan you are a brave mom and I thank you for sharing your story for all of us because it touches our lives and gives us perspective on what is important in this life and what is not. I was also touched by Linley´s haircut! I pray for peace in your hearts that only God can give! I pray for Piper´s healing till the last moment it is possible. I know you all are in His loving arms! Love you!
    Hanna Nurmi

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  25. We are lifting you and your family up in prayer now. May God's comfort be with you.

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  26. I live in Athens, Ga. Susan, your profile reminds me so much of myself. I was a young girl with a family and had the world by a tail spin. I had my horses, my boots, my dogs and three wonderful children. Mary Carroll was 7, Sharon was 5 and Betsy was one the day we found out Sharon had Cancer. She survived and is the mother of two. She did beat the odds and went on to really beat them by having two children after chemo and radiation had been given in excess! I feel guilty as I write those words even though I know you don't want me to. I remember feeling like if Sharon would go on to heaven and dance with Jesus her life would be easier. After several years of harsh treatments and major surgery to remove her kidney, spleen, a portion of her Pancreas and diaphragm she went off therapy. I still live in the memories, but try hard not to. I'm holding on to you and Piper with all my heart and prayers for all of you won't ever stop. I love you, Oby Dupree

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  27. My heart is so broken, my spirit groans within. I have begged God between sobs while rereading each word, praying to not let this happen...I am feeling selfish for her mothers sake and her fathers sake and for her sisters sake...I cant help myself...please forgive me. When my daughter sent me a text this morning with the string, I called her and said, please tell me she didnt die. She said no but its not good. My husband announced from the pulpit this morning, her condition, and asked for special prayer. We have had Piper on our prayer list for several weeks since I began reading your story. I cried through the whole service, through each hymn we sang...my focus was on each of you and silently praying for healing of Pipers body and mommy and daddy and Linley to be spared this agony. I wont stop praying for a miracle, my heart just wont let me concede any other way. I tell you this so you know how and where my heart is and I also see others who have posted feeling the same. Thank you for sharing your story, I have never met you, but is has touched me in such a way that I know I will never forget you.

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    1. Marnie, you have put into words so eloquently my exact feelings and my day has been an exact replica. I am praying without ceasing and believing! And praying for the peace that passes all understanding for this family. My heart is broken for them.

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    2. Its amazing how God brought this family into my life. Our own grandbaby Addyson was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma last August and she has come through all of her treatments and is now Cancer free as of February, praises to God. Addyson and Piper had several opprotunities to play together while at the Aflac unit in Atlanta. My daughter told me about the Needham family and asked that we put her on our church prayer list and I have been following their story of fight and survival and trust and hope in our beautiful maker, Jesus Christ. She has been an inspiration to me, the wife of a preacher, who still needs to hear, through others, their faith and love for our Saviour, which serves to build my faith further. I see Gods purpose in why He allowed this in their lives...this sweet mother, in her blog, is proclaiming who Christ is, through the good times and the bad...I may never meet her in this life but one day in our Kingdom of Heaven I will. I am certain, with all conviction, that Pipers illness was not in vain....

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  28. My heart aches for u and your family. I am so sorry...i couldnt help but cry and cant even imagine what you all are going thru. I am a mother of three little girls, and i am at a loss for words, but i wanted u to know i am praying for your family, for you and for your little girl.

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  29. I really have no words. My heart is shattered since reading this post. my face is always soaked with tears as I read but today it's different. I am now and will always be praying for you and your family.

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  30. lost for words but thinking of you and your family all day

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  31. Thank you for sharing this unwanted journey. I have looked at my children differently in the past few days since a sweet friend showed me your blog. My heart aches for and with you. My hope is that peace comes soon in whatever form it can for all of you. I pray so hard for your oldest daughter too...a kind, sweet soul she must be. You are embraced by all who read this and will never meet you. So as you weep holding your sweet daughter, please know that so many are lifting you and your pain up to God. You are not alone.

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  32. My heart is so very sad for you all. I do not know you, but please know that I have been praying for you since finding your blog this morning via Aimee (fellow St. Jude mom). I pray that God gives you His crazy peace that passes all understanding. My daughter is battling leukemia at LPCH, had NK cell therapy at St. Jude and just had a bone marrow transplant, so I kind of know what you all are dealing with, but not exactly. My words cannot express my sadness. I am praying and will continue to pray!

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  33. Holding Piper and your family in my prayers. God is watching over each of you. Sarah C.O.L.E'S Prayer Team www.colesfoundation.org

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  34. As I weep, my heart breaks for you. While we have never met I was directed to your blog many months ago and have followed you since. Thank you for sharing your journey. Piper's journey will not be in vain, you have touched so many lives with your walk through the darkness known as childhood cancer. You have been an example of a Christ filled family every step of the way and have taught so many so much. I pray without ceasing for Piper and for your family. I pray for total and complete healing for her, knowing this may only be possible in Heaven, I weep. May God continue to lift your entire family as your journey continues.

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  35. I thought of you and your sweet Piper all through our church service today. The sermon was titled "Why?". Every word of our songs praised God because healing is in His hands. I know He is in control. I will trust Him and believe Him to be your miracle provider. Praying with tears falling, begging God for His touch on sweet Piper, on Linley, on Chad and you.

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  36. Praying for you and your sweet, sweet baby.

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  37. Praying, praying, praying that you will continue to taste sweetness in God as you rest in His great love for you. Thankful for Piper's life and the blessing that she is to her family.

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  38. My heart aches for you and your family. You are in our prayers.

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  39. There aren't words to describe how heartbroken I am for you. I pray for the Lord's mercy in the final moments of Piper's journey here on earth, that she wouldn't feel any of the pain of disease but instead be overwhelmed by the sense of love you are pouring over her. My heart absolutely aches for all of you. I've never seen anyone exhibit your strength or boldly proclaim Gods goodness and faithfulness under such circumstances. To say it is inspiring is an understatement! I am praying for infinite peace and comfort in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. I love you Needham crew.

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    1. Kate, you said it perfectly. I couldn't have written it better.
      *many tears
      -Jen Bailey

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  40. I am continuuing to pray for your family, I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.

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  41. There's a book that I recently saw on another mother's blog. It's called 'Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You' by Nancy Tillman. it's a children's book but the words are meaningful. I will continue to pray for your family and sweet Piper.

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  42. Our church has been praying for Piper for quite a while, cheering her victories, crying when she struggles. Yesterday morning my husband stood in front of our congregation and read your latest blog post, crying. Many tears were shed during our service on behalf of Piper and your family. Piper has and continues to touch lives around the world. We wrestle with the answers God has given to our prayers. We don't understand His ways. We simply rest on His promises, gain comfort from them. Oh, how our hearts are heavy. Please know that you are on our minds constantly. Even though we haven't met in person God has placed a love in our hearts for you guys. Lifting you up throughout the day, The Hacketts

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  43. Trying to get contact info for this family so people in Memphis can go and pray with and love on this family, we understand that security at St. Jude is tight and unless the family is expecting them to come they won't be aloud in. We have pastors and other Chistians who would love to be them for this family.
    my name is Tina Thompson you can contact me at tinathompson@releasedministries.com
    Thank you

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  44. Susanna, I am so sorry. My heart breaks with yours. I ache that separation is not how it is supposed to be.
    Jesus loves you. He loves you and Chad and Linley and Piper and he will keep all his promises. He will hold you.
    I am so sorry that this is not how it's supposed to be and I'm sorry that nothing we can say or do will make it right. But Jesus will make it right one day. I pray and grieve and long with you until He does.

    love and so many prayers,
    elizabeth

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  45. God bless you and your family. My heart breaks for you. I pray that God will provide you peace that surpasses all understanding.

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  46. I am sooooo sorry ...... I hate cancer. It destroys families. Lifting you all up in prayer today and always. My heart goes out to you all.

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  47. Your family has been on our prayer list for a few months and I have been reading your blog daily. Crying, laughing, rejoicing and praising our Lord with you. I don't know you personally but I know that Piper is blessed to have a mom with such a strong faith that shares her heart willingly to others. That the words you share will one day lead others to know our beautiful, loving Lord. I ache for you and have been praying constantly for your family and for sweet, precious Piper. My God hold you, Chad, Linley and Piper in the palm of his hands and give you a peace that only He can provide. God bless you! ~lm

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