Thursday, March 22, 2012

Midnight quotes

Midnight is a logical time to crave starburst and while spending time in a hospital is hell on a diet, there are vending machines at my beck and call.

So tonight I went on a mission that took me down the elevator and towards the's a trek. It's Starburst for crying out loud, so I do what has to be done. And on my trek down three floors I was (stuck) in an elevator with two teenage girls and a lot of giggles and midriffs and one gem of a quote that I must share...

"Wesley makes me smile even if I am feeling fat plus he has the coolest shoes...I'm going to marry him someday"

I mentally gagged and counted the years that Linley and Piper would be allowed to roam a hospital unchaperoned and then added 10 years to that. Then I gagged again and pulled myself together and attempted to remember what qualities I desired on a husband when my own self were 14.

This was an interesting thing to do because I was "going out" with the boy who would someday become my husband when I was 14 years old. And while he did indeed make me laugh and he did indeed wear the oh so popular Vans, I would be much remiss if that was all he brought into our marriage 8 years later. Sure enough, when I was fat (ha) with both of his beautiful daughters he did indeed find me beautiful but his repertoire of admirable qualities has blossomed.

Today when our youngest was in need of a sponge bath while fighting for her life he rolled up his sleeves and tenderly helped me. Chad wiped the dead skin away from Pipers arms while being cautious of the many needles and bandages and lines coming from all over her sweet little body. Many men would not have been able to handle the gentleness of being an oncology father. When Linley was diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency at 3, it was Chad who nightly gave our sweet firstborn a shot in her smooth skin and then soothed both her and mines tears with M&ms. He continues to encourage Linleys confidence even as she notices the difference in her size and other 7year olds. Not many men would be able to handle the emotional balance of a small but beautiful little girls self esteem.

And when I push Chad away as I break down with worry, fear, disappointment or frustration he generally waits for me to rage and come back. Sometimes he gets a deserving hug, sometimes I answer the phone when he calls and sometimes I remember to seek him out as a partner and appreciate the laughter he is able to heap upon these hard days we live.

Obviously I am a difficult woman to me married to...or so it's been said.

So here's to you Wesley. Here's hoping your shoes are as cool as Vans and that your laugher is positive and reaffirming. Should you marry this girl you have so wooed I pray you are able to look past her swollen feet and encourage her all the way to the births of your sweet children. And should your children ever need gentleness or a boost to their self esteem, I pray you have the guts to be the sort of partner that Chad has chosen to be today.


  1. A lot is said about a chemo mom, but a chemo dad is just as strong and special......not every man can be one, thankful that I too am married to a dad that is sensitive to his daughters needs.....on chemo or off.

  2. Awesome Words Susanna. Just been praying & wondering how your hubby was doing cuz he doesn't get much press these days. ;) Way to go Chad! We know you've just got to be an awesome daddy/hubby or else ya couldn't have such awesome girls.:) Love to all & praying ...

  3. this is just so sweet. so sweet.

  4. I am so proud of you dear one. You make me smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time. how is this? i love you so much!


  5. Well said to all of you. My husband and I do have our moments, but I'm thankful he understands and he loves me for who I am. Even through all of my pregancies I said look at how fat I have gotten, He didn't complain once. Even now I still have some of the baby fat from 10 years ago, he still loves me. I thank God for him every day. I love my husband and our three kids.